the dark landlord of evil



well, it finally happened. after four years of saying how cool my landlord is and how much i like her, i officially take it all back.

it's a long story, and i am just too lazy and cranky to type it all out, but the jist of it is that i (and my two roommates) now have to move from apartment 2L to apartment 2R. yep, we have to take all of our shit and move it ACROSS THE HALL. i know it sounds like that's not really that big of a deal, but it's a TOTAL pain in the ass. plus i like (sort of) where i am at now.

another bad thing? the other apartment is basically the reverse of where i am now. so everything that is on the left side of the room...my bed for example...will now be on the right hand side. it'll be kind of like living in some weird parallel universe. i can imagine myself bouncing into walls and doors that aren't there after waking up in the middle of the night on my way to the bathroom or whatever. goddammit.

my landlord is actually a small Polish landlady. she can barely understand english so it gets reeeeaaaaallllyyyy frustrating trying to explain logical concepts to her. like how goddamn stupid this whole move is.

anyways, enough ranting. i've got to go buy some bananas to stick into the tailpipe of her car.

working for the weekend

early last week i got a call from my gallery here asking me if i wanted to be in an anti-george bush show that they are having. i said yes, but then found out that i needed to finish whatever i was going to make in less than a week. it usually takes me waaay longer to finish things, so i was sort of worried.

needless to say, all of last week was spent cranking out this strange relief sculpture of our president. it was odd to have to look at a picture of him for so long. but i persevered in the name of art i guess.

here's what it looked like about halfway through. that orange-ish stuff is rubber for the mold. the whole thing turned out ok in the end. i will try to get a photo of it installed in the gallery (the opening is this friday if any of you's happen to be in town).

on sunday, i was feeling a bit burnt out. what better way to fix that than to go sit in the park? and who better to do some sitting with than:

that's right, miss...wait, excuse me....MRS. jill odegaard. former super badass sculpture professor at Moorhead State University! yep, jill lives here now so we get the chance to hang out.


we were in mccarren park, which is in the heart of williamsburg/greenpoint. the weather was just ridiculously beautiful that day. plus that nice "fall smell" was in the air. ahh....


monday night i was in my studio tinkering around with things when i heard these super loud explosions right outside my windows. of course i always think at first that some building is blowing up or something bad is happening.

instead, it was just fireworks.

new york city has more fireworks for weird, random things than probably anywhere else. it's pretty great. that night they were being shot off really close to my building, giving me a great view.

ok, so now it's wednesday. tonight is episode two of america's next top model. there is a good chance that i might miss it, so i am a bit concerned. crap.

speaking of concerned...tomorrow night is the first presidential debate. i have a feeling that the whole election might hinge on what happens with these things. i hope kerry has been studying hard, learning from gore's mistakes.

gulp....

fiery


saturday night i went to see the fiery furnaces play at the bowery ballroom.

jesus.


it was the second time that i had seen them. the first was at this thing called the Siren Festival at Coney Island this summer.

that day they were plagued with technical problems the whole set so it was pretty distracting. luckily that wasn't the case this time. they kicked ass.

when they play live, they completely rearrange their songs so that they sound totally different from the record. they also play them as one big medley, never stopping in between songs.

i am obsessed with their new album.

i am also obsessed with eleanor fiery furnace.


sincerely,

the soon to be anthony fiery furnace

lunch. MTV style.

hey! who's hungry?

me too! let's go to The Lodge!

what's The Lodge you ask?

awwww yeah, it's the cafeteria for MTV and the rest of Viacom (which owns MTV/Nickelodeon/CBS/everything else you can think of). most importantly though, IT'S THE CAFETERIA FOR MTV.

if i could go back in time to tell my early teen self that my older, almost thirty self was able to eat at MTV whenever i wanted, i would get a big kick out of watching my younger self wet his pants with excitement. Kurt Loder! John Norris! Curly Fries!!!

of course, the reality of the whole experience is considerably less astounding.

with that in mind, let's eat!


first off, my office is in an entirely different building about five minutes away from Viacom headquarters. here we are walking towards Times Square. (it is ridiculously nice out today, by the way...)


yep, it's the Naked Cowboy. he is always right outside of the MTV building making tons of money from the tourists while simultaneously getting a pretty great tan.


ok, we are in. 1515 Broadway. the home of Carson Daly. well probably not anymore. whatever.

then it's just a quick elevator ride, and POW!...

thar she blows!


it is basically just like the lunch room at Central Campus or whatever other high school. there's a salad line, sandwich line, pasta line, etc. i bypass all of these and head straight towards my favorite: the Grill. there i get a really tasty veggie burger and curly fries. mmmmmmmmm..... plus, it only costs $4.02! sooooo cheap!


then there is a big indoor dining room which has all of the Viacom channels playing on all of these televisions. i forgot to take a picture of that. i was just too excited to secure a table outside where you can eat while overlooking Times Square from 7 stories up. this was one table of co-workers.


here's the other one.


lunch is served! (note: they were out of curly fries. this usually really bums me out. today though, they had waffle fries instead. mmmmm.)


did i mention that it is beautiful outside today? the perfect eating lunch outside weather.


the view from up there.

i just ate a lovely lunch.


here's brett taking out the trash.


when you are done eating, you take your dirty dishes or whatever to this automated robot shelf thing that takes them from you and gives them to the dishwasher guys. it's just like the Jetsons.

ok, lunch is over. time to head back. but wait...there's one more mystery to solve before you can get out of the building:

which elevator do you get into?

for some reason, the lights that tell you "going up!" or "going down!" are two circles, one white, one red.

umm...now, maybe i am crazy, but i don't remember those as commonly known symbols of elevator travel. i mean, you have a 50/50 shot at getting it right no matter what, but still...
every time i see this, it makes me feel a bit stupid, a little confused, and mad. (nobody else seems to think anything of this phenomenon however) can you folks crack the code of these lights?


ok, as far as i know, this elevator is taking me down to the street, but....

so yep. that's The Lodge experience in a small nutshell. if any of you ever visit me and want to see for yourself, i will gladly show you the ropes. if you're lucky, you might even get to eat next to rikki rachtman.

keep one foot in the gutter, and one hand in the curly fries...

worst...episode....EVER


goddamn. so the first episode of the third season of America's Next Top Model sucked.

just totally sucked.

it makes me grumpy to even think about it, so i am going to keep this short.

there was this scene where one of the models got the group together to tell them her big secret that she couldn't bear to keep to herself any longer...she just felt that everyone needed to know....

....that she is legally blind!

what?

jeeeeesus. not legally blind!!!

in her defense, she is pretty cute and might be my first pick to go all the way. wait, she is legally blind though, so maybe i had better rethink this.

the minot girl, nicole, is still in the running too. though i am going to predict that she gets the boot in the 4th episode. she just doesn't stand out at all. maybe that's a secret weapon though. silent but deadly.

oh god. it's painful to type about this.

that's enough.

rappin' rodney is in a coma



awww crap. this makes me sad.

but maybe there is a chance of a SECOND COMING OF RODNEY?

anyone have a favorite joke of his?

crippled by evil


one day in 1990, i went to see this movie with larry c. and dan seymour at Cine 12(?). i remember that we were very excited to see it but i can't remember if Hjalmer had to buy us tickets since it was rated 'R'. he might have.

anyways, i watched the entire movie slouched down with my knees pressed up against the seat in front of me. when it was over, we all stood up to leave (i was in the seat by the aisle). i was probably standing for about 5 seconds when suddenly my legs just went numb and i started to fall. i remember trying to stay up by grabbing at some guy's jacket as i was going down. he didn't know what the hell was going on and was probably still frightened by the terrifying FIRST POWER and quickly shuffled out of the way, looking really freaked out by the high schooler frantically grabbing for his clothing.

i then crashed onto the nasty, sticky, popcorn-covered floor. i had no idea what in the hell was happening to me and began to worry that either i was really paralyzed somehow or i was in the early stages of being possessed by the devil like the bad guy serial killer in the movie.

it's times like these when you are glad that you have good friends around to help you out and maybe lift you off of the ground and out of the way of all of the moviegoers who were trying to get around me so they could leave the theater. except that these friends (i am looking your way larry) just stood over me and laughed and laughed. then they laughed even harder as i used my still functioning but feeble arms to hoist myself up off the floor, into my chair.

looking back now, i can't blame them for laughing. lucky for them i wasn't really becoming posessed.

chilly weather, three Kreftings at once


one small, but important perk of working in an office.

ok, so it was a pretty uneventful weekend. i saw "sky captain and the world of tomorrow" on saturday. it was ok. the story was boring, the visuals were nice. that is my review.

then it was off to the bars for drinks. it ended up being one of those nights where you go home wondering why you even went out in the first place. and wondering where that $40 went.

yesterday was spent in the studio working. i have less than a week to start AND finish a piece for this group show at my gallery. it's an anti-bush themed show, so i am making a portrait of him. i don't usually do stuff like this so i don't know how it'll turn out...i might post my progress as it happens. stay tuned.

while i was working though, there was about a half hour where the sun was bouncing off of the citicorp building and lighting up my studio with this great orange light.


now it is back to work time.

oh, for the minotians:
my folks told me last night that that Kelby and Kirby AND Teri Ann Krefting are going to be on the tv show Las Vegas tonight. duhamel got them in as extras apparently. they are in a scene in where there is a fight in the casino. it's funny because the only time i ever see any kreftings is at the casino in New Town. yeah...

lock up your bikes....oh, nevermind....

a couple of days ago, a friend forwarded me these links about how it is possible, WITH A PLASTIC BIC PEN, to pick the $90 Kryptonite bike locks that everyone in NYC uses to lock up their bikes.

here they are:



i thought it was just one of those crappy internet rumors and i basically laughed it off.

until i read THIS on the front page of the New York Times website.

sweet christ! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!

it's so messed up that it's almost hilarious. i would say that it IS hilarious if only i didn't shell out all that money for one of these goddamn things.

watch out folks....

minot's next top model

what is going on with Minot these days? it has to be setting some sort of record in semi-famous people per capita. it's so badass. maybe soon the tourists will be flocking to the Magic City, uncovering all of our secrets.

here's what i am talking about this time:


yes, introducing the ladies of America's Next Top Model...ahem, cycle 3. look closely...lurking amongst these sort of scary looking gals is this girl:

click on the photo for a link to her bio.

a former punk rocker? of course!!
likes National Geographic AND Maxim? sophisticated!
favorite food is shrimp scampi? GENIUS!!

i can't wait to watch this spectacle. holy shit.

does anyone know who this girl is? dylan, any info to share?

well anyways, for some reason this show has become my guilty crap-tv pleasure. i am super addicted to it. this season starts next Wednesday, 9/22 and it is going to rule. i am planning my "ANTM" season premiere party as of today. you are all invited.

dammit.

if THIS movie ever comes to your town, it's really worth checking out. it was one of the better rock and roll documentaries i have seen.

johnny ramone is interviewed quite a bit in it. he was a pretty weird person emotionally it seemed...sort of blocked off. there's a sad scene when he is talking about how he didn't really feel anything when joey died. it sucks. on the other hand, i think that is why he was such an interesting guy. it's good when folks throw curveballs at your preconcieved notions of them. i actually like the fact that he (and vincent gallo for that matter) was a hardcore republican. not everyone can be on the same team right?

anyways...

i got one of the best drunken phone messages ever last night. of course it was from larry. and of course he called me at 5:40am my time. i understood about half of it. i soooo wish i could figure out how to post that up here.

here's a partial transcript:

(read in a drunken larry voice for best effect)

ahhh dude....oh, man...
anyways, it's a...fuck if i know what time it is...2 in the morning here probably...
i just watched two girls make out for like 20 minutes in the bar, so that was pretty cool...i just saw a guy throw a rock at a car...and i saw an experimental band play....and a band that looked just like spinal tap....

oh, canada...

this morning, i walked over to my mailbox and found a package waiting for me. inside this package was something great:

A WUNDERBAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now, anyone who knows me knows that i am obsessed with these brilliant candy bars. the thing is, you can only get them in Canada. where did i get this one? well, from the ever generous Larry. not only can he draw a mean pirate (HERE), he also sends me the most badass videos and now candy bars ever. three cheers for Hjalmer's middle son!

on the wrapper, the Wunderbar is described as "a peanut butter caramel experience". that it is my friends, that it is.

ok, enough talk...let's open this sucker!

mmmmmmmmm! it even SMELLS like Canada!


i was trying to pace myself so i could enjoy it as much as possible, but it didn't really work.


before i knew it, i was down to my last bite.


and i was sad.

but good times can't last forever.

or can they?



i love you canada.

behind the eight ball

what should i have for lunch today?

hmm....

how about Subway?

then it is settled....

remember how when you went into a Subway shop in your hometown and you would look at the wallpaper that showed all of the old NYC subway maps and etc.? i used to be weirdly interested in that. now i eat at this Subway. and it's IN the subway!! underneath of the building that i work in. it's like being inside of that wallpaper.

now my hands smell like a giant sandwich...

lunch is served (now with update for steve carlson!)


some days, when it's really nice outside, i go out and eat my lunch on the steps of St. Patrick's cathedral. today was one of those days.

i had a paltry lunch of a provolone, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. it was ok. i really need to start bringing my own lunches though. i am spending waaay too much money on these crappy food items.

anyways, the beauty of sitting on 5th avenue is the never ending river of people that walk by. it is always fascinating somehow. my friend alese and i would have contests to see who could spot the most g strings. she doesn't live here anymore though. oh, see the dudes who were sitting next to me? note the cigarette. luckily i was down wind from it, causing my sandwich to taste like smoke. awesome.

on the way back to the office, i came across the new public art piece in rock-a-fella center. every summer they put up a pretty major sculpture in the spot where the christmas tree goes. one year there was one of Jeff Koons' badass flower puppies. a couple of years ago, Louise Bourgeois had these giant bronze spiders there. i hated them. there is nothing more appetizing than sitting under a 15 foot tall nasty looking spider right? jesus... this year, there is this big steel pole (100 feet tall) with these people walking up it. it is sort of nice. i need a couple of days to lay down my final judgement though. i'll get some more pictures later.

oh yeah, i caught a little bit of the 9/11 ceremony on saturday morning (mostly because every channel on my tv was covering it...except for the WB, which played the COOLEST new Batman cartoon ever!!!). i am just wondering: do they really need to read all of the names every year? the first two years it seemed to make sense. now, i don't know....it just seems like maybe we don't need to do that over and over again. thoughts? also, they had those super great twin tower light beams on all saturday night. i love those. i do hope that they do that every year.

that's all....

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

this update is for steve carlson's comment....it's funny that you speak of making cake monuments for those towers. back in 2001 (before the twin towers fell), there were these two giant gas tanks in maspeth queens that you could see from all over the city. for some reason, they demolished them (click HERE! to see a video of them blowing up....(you can also see the world trade center in the far background actually....it's creepy)).

anyways, my old roommate and i decided to make monument cakes to those gas tanks for her birthday party. check them out!

at this point, the frosting was starting to ooze down the sides making them sort of sad looking. o well.

all franz, all the time


last night i went to see franz ferdinand play at the roseland ballroom. of the 4 times i have seen them this year, it was the third best show. the show in 4th place at the virgin megastore was just strange.

they are always good and fun to watch, but last night was a little weird as well...i think it was a combination of a few things, but they seemed a bit off. for one, the crowd was really young. no, seriously...junior high school students were all around me. at least i had an unobstructed view. also, franz needs to take a break from touring. just stop touring for a while! overexposure is upon you fellows! just take a break already. (they are playing here AGAIN in less than a month) on the other hand, my friends that went who hadn't seen them before loved the show, so what do i know?

they did, however play a couple of new songs and they sounded really good.

also, here's proof that you always look stupid when your friends take pictures of you while you dance.